by - 4:17 AM

The one good thing about fear that holds you back is that it can be learned and also unlearned. We come into the world with no fears. When you were born, you and every other child had two wonderful qualities. First, you were completely UNAFRAID. The infant  has no natural fears except for the fears of falling and loud noises. Second, you were completely spontaneous. The infant expresses himself freely and openly without any thought or concern about what anyone else says or thinks. But as you grew up, your parents and the people around you began teaching you to be afraid. Fears began to be programmed into you and that can hold you back for the rest of your life.
As a child, whenever you tried to touch, taste, smell, feel, or get into something, there was always someone there telling you to stop doing it. ‘It’s too dangerous’. ‘’You are too small’’ ‘’get away from there’’. As a result, at an early age, you developed the belief that you were too small and too weak to do anything new or different; you started to believe you are not good enough.
A child needs love like roses need rain. The child needs security and approval as much as the child needs food, water, and comfort. The child is completely emotional and interprets every word and gesture emotionally. He is inordinately affected by the emotional environment in which he grows up. If your parents constantly criticized and disapproved of you because you did or didn’t do certain things, you learned very early to change your behaviours so that you were always doing what you thought they wanted and would approve of.
When you became an adult, you took personal control of the negative reinforcement process began by your parents. Whenever something new or challenging came up, you began saying to yourself, I can't do that, I’m not smart enough. I’m not creative enough. I’m not educated enough, I can't.
As an adult, your first reaction to anything new or different may now be to think of a reason why it is not possible for you. If you're not careful you will go before the court of life and become the prosecutor against yourself in your own case. You will immediately think up all the reasons why you cannot achieve your dreams and goals. You will talk yourself out of doing the very things you need to do, to enjoy the success and happiness you want. 'if you believe you can do a thing, or you believe you can't,  in either case you are probably right'- Henry Ford.
Some people are so traumatised by criticism in early childhood that they cannot make any decision at all in adult life. If they think anyone around them might disapprove,even people they don't know, they become paralysed. They are frightened of making a mistake and triggering and criticism of others. The obstacle that holds most people back from starting their own business or changing careers, is the fear of disapproval or ridicule from others. Rather than to have someone else not like them or admire them, they would rather do nothing at all. Unfortunately, when you do nothing at all, you accomplish nothing at all, as well. The greatest guarantee of failure is to be overly concerned about failure in the first place and this is called fear of rejection. Fear rejection is characterised by the feeling that, "I have to!"  is a compulsive feeling that you have to do things that others may disapprove of.
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Mild fears of failure and rejection are healthy. They can motivate you to do what is necessary to succeed. Mild feelings of inadequacy and inferiority can drive you to become the kind of person that others will admire and respect. In this sense, they act as positive stimuli to constructive behavior.
Fear of rejection, when they are manifested in a valid consideration for the feelings and opinions of others, can be helpful to your position in society. The desire to be liked and accepted by others is the basis of our respect for the rule of law, common courtesy, manners, politeness and the social customs and norms that make civilised life possible. We have to know that moderation is key in all things. There is nothing wrong with moderation in the area of fears as long as it does not have the effect of sabotaging your potential which unfortunately is the case for most people.

Written by : Fasasi Eyitayo S Marvel

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